


Letters From the Dead

by barflybart



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Character Death, Gen, M/M, basically freds dead and george finds a letter adressed to him in their old bedroom, i write happy things sometimes i swear, rated for language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-10-22 07:51:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17658887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barflybart/pseuds/barflybart
Summary: A letter, he frowned, his hand trembling as he reached out to turn it over. Perhaps it was some old letter to Lee that never got sent or… He tensed up, unable to breath. On the front of the letter was his own name,Georgein Fred’s messy familiar hand. His legs went weak and before he knew it he was sitting on the floor, his back leaning against his bed. Just, staring at the letter in his trembling hands, following Fred’s writing with his finger. He wasn’t sure what to expect of the inside, the letter was thicker than most of the letters he’d seen Fred send, several parchments inside.





	1. George

No one had touched their bedroom at The Borrow since the battle, when George came home he always slept in Bill and Charlie’s old room and for the longest time he had tried to distance himself from anything that would remind him of Fred.

Angelina had confronted him about shutting her and Lee out a couple of months prior and she had helped him a lot with dealing with the grief. She’d been staying at his and Fred’s flat on the weekends to keep him company and on weekdays they always had dinner together at least three times (other dinners were spent at the burrow). He still hadn't spoken to Lee, but Lee was just as much to blame for that as George, he had tried once to reach out and Lee shut him out. He'd obviously taken Fred's death hard as well so George figured he'd reach out when he was ready. It was Angelina who had suggested to him that maybe it was time to open the bedroom door, she’d offered to go with him but he didn’t want her to see him cry. Because then she’d start crying which would make him cry even more and then they’d just be crying for hours and George figured there was going to be plenty of crying without that whole domino effect. He did appreciate it though.

Ginny offered to go with him as well as they stood outside the door to his and Fred's bedroom, placing her hand gently on his shoulder, George shook his head slowly and looked at her. She had cut her hair a couple of months ago, it reached just passed her shoulders now. She smiled at him and gave his shoulder a small squeeze. George felt a little overwhelmed by her support, grateful but overwhelmed. Which had become a very familiar emotion while at The Burrow.

“I need to do it on my own” he said, smiling had been hard lately but he tried to give her his most reassuring one. He must have failed because her smile turned a little sad and she squeezed his shoulder again.  
“Okay, you know where to find me if you change your mind” she said, taking her time to move away and head down the stairs to her own room. George watched her go before turning his attention back to the door in front of him. He wasn’t sure how long he stared at it before he finally took a deep breath and reached for the handle. The door creaked a little when he opened it, the way it always had and George had to stop for a second to breath. He stood in the doorway for a moment staring into the room. It looked the same as it always had, George wasn't sure why he had expected it to look any different. He took a shaky breath before stepping inside the room, the floorboards creaked a little under his feet. It was too quiet, their room had never been quiet. Not once for as long as George could remember.

He had to force himself to look at Fred’s bed. He’d never made it when they left the last time, the blankets were in a heap at the end of the bed, he’d always kicked them off when it got too warm.On the floor by the end of Fred’s bed was the rolled up mattress Lee used when he’d stayed over on the summers between school years. For some reason thinking about Lee made him feel angry so he turned away from the bed, facing their desk instead. There was a thin layer of dust on the surface, along with old broken quills and parchments with old half finished Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes product ideas. He made a note to look them all over later when he had the energy, to make sure something was made out of all of those ideas if they hadn’t already been used. But first he had to get through this, for a moment he felt proud he hadn’t cried yet, but the pride quickly turned into guilt and he closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he hadn’t realised until now how stuffy the air in the room felt so he moved to open the window above his own bed. Once it was open and George felt the late autumn breeze work its way through his hair and into the room he found himself smiling a little. This window had almost always been open, even in the winter, just a little. Because otherwise it got too warm to sleep according to Fred. _Besides_ , he used to say with a grin, _fresh air gets the creativity flowing_ . Their mother wasn’t so fond of that, as it had warranted more than a few colds in their youth. Though, George doubted she’d complain about the open window now. His smile faded as he sat down on his own bed, glancing over at Fred’s bed once again as he ran a hand through his own hair. He then kicked his shoes off and brought them up on the bed, he shifted to lean his back against the wall. He froze and frowned and the wrinkling noise that came from his bed, he swallowed as he stood again. His mind tried telling him it was probably just old candy wrappers but as he pulled his blankets back to investigate he couldn’t remember ever leaving candy wrappers _in_ his bed, sure under his bed and around it but never in it. A letter, he frowned, his hand trembling as he reached out to turn it over. Perhaps it was some old letter to Lee that never got sent or… He tensed up, unable to breath. On the front of the letter was his own name, _George_ in Fred’s messy familiar hand. His legs went weak and before he knew it he was sitting on the floor, his back leaning against his bed. Just, staring at the letter in his trembling hands, following Fred’s writing with his finger. He wasn’t sure what to expect of the inside, the letter was thicker than most of the letters he’d seen Fred send, several parchments inside. His fingers were still trembling when he turned it over again to open it, he was careful with the seal and once it was open he had to stop for a second to close his eyes and just try to breath, it was getting harder by the second. He tried to go over the breathing exercises Percy had taught him the past summer but he suddenly had a hard time remembering them. _Let your hands guide you_ , he put the letter down in his lap and moved his trembling hands to his chest and his stomach, _sigh and relax your shoulders_ he followed the instructions in his mind, ignoring that his face also felt wet from tears. _One thing at a time George, close your mouth, inhale slowly and pause. Follow your stomach’s movement with your hand, let it out through your mouth, slowly. You have to breath slower than you usually do._ It wasn’t Percy’s voice guiding him in his mind, It was Fred. It was always Fred in his mind lately, and George found that more fitting than ever at that moment.  

Once he’d calmed his breathing he moved his hand to wipe the tears away from his face with the sleeve of his sweater, he picked the letter back up and crossed his legs. He stared at it for another moment, his hands still trembling a little as he carefully took the four folded together parchments out of the envelope, _deep breaths George_ , he unfolded them, turning them over once he’d realised he was holding them upside down. Just seeing his name again in Fred’s writing made him let out a choked sob.

 

_“George,_

_If you’re reading this, well that probably means I didn’t make it. However, if you’re reading this and I’m still alive. Stop. Ask me about it instead, if I haven’t already told you everything I’m about to say to you now I’ll tell you in person. Also if I’m alive and I haven’t told you everything already, please kick my ass for me yeah?”_

he let out a choked off laugh and moved his hand to wipe his face with his sweater sleeve again

_“I started writing this the night you lost your ear,_

_"I guess, it made me realise we’re not invincible. Now that’s obvious to you. I know. You’ve always been the sensible one. While I live in a world where we, you and I, never come to any serious harm. But I guess I’ve just realised that in war that’s not how it works and I could’ve lost you. We can lose each other. That’s something I never thought of before, you dying wouldn’t necessarily mean I go down with you. And if you’re still reading, I guess I went down without you._

_“I’m sorry, Georgie”_

 

George had to look away, he looked up at the ceiling, trying to blink away the tears as he, again wiped his face with his sleeve.

“Fuck, Freddie it’s not your fault” he found himself saying out loud to the ceiling, his voice trembling just like his hands. Three more parchments, save your tears until you’re done. He reminded himself and cleared his throat, flipping to the next parchment in his hands.

 

_“I’m sorry for a lot of things, George._

_I lied to you, for a long time. We always said we’d never have secrets between us but I did and I’m sorry”_

George frowned and shifted a little as he kept reading, still wiping his sleeve over his face regularly as he did

_“I guess, I wasn’t sure how to tell you. That’s the stupidest excuse there is I know, but it’s the truth. I was scared too, and angry because I was scared. I knew I had no reason to be, but my brain wouldn’t, and still won’t leave me alone with it’s ‘what ifs’. See, I’m even stalling writing this shit down even though I won’t be there when you read it. Or maybe I will and you just decided to keep reading after I told you not to on the last page. Which in that case, listen to your elders George for fucks sake._

_“I’m gay. There it is, I’m gay George. I’ve known since we were 12, for sure anyway, there were signs before then too. I always thought, eh I like girls one day. Like you, and Bill and Charlie (actually, does Charlie like girls? does he like boys? he never talks about either does he? investigate this for me yeah?) and Percy. One day it’ll happen. But it didn’t, I started liking boys instead and I wasn’t sure how to tell any of you. You know mum’s always pushing about girlfriends, I think, for the longest time I just. Didn’t see anything else as an option._

_“I’m cutting myself off real quick while on the subject of girlfriends. Angelina, George get your head out of your ass and ask her out already. She’s waiting. No really, she likes you too you daft idiot. Trust me, she told me herself”_

George stopped reading for a moment to process, Fred was gay. Somehow that wasn’t as surprising as it maybe should’ve been but, he’d missed out on a whole side of Fred and that made his heart ache. He could remember instances that had seemed slightly off but suddenly made sense with this added little bit of information. Fred had never added much to the conversation when they were talking about girls in the dorm, odd because Fred always had something to add to a conversation. Comments here and there about quidditch players before quickly changing the subject to something else. And he’d never once been on a date with a girl, except the yule ball with Angelina. Angelina… he turned back to the letter

_“And now you’re thinking about Angelina, and you’re probably wondering something along the lines off ‘but, you took Angelina to the yule ball? Why would you do that if you’re gay? and how would you know she likes me too?’ well see, I asked her because 1, I was hoping if I did maybe you’d get your act together and realise that you liked her (success) and 2, I couldn’t very well take the guy I liked._

_“That’s when she told me she liked you by the way, at the yule ball. I kind of ditched her when the two of you were dancing for a while, and she found me later sitting outside feeling sorry for myself because I’d seen, well what I saw isn’t really important for this part of the story. But she sat with me for a while, asked me about it, and about_ **_him_ ** _. She sees right through us that woman I swear she does. I wonder how the fuck she hasn’t figured out you like her too yet. Honestly you two are the worst. Almost as bad as Ron and Hermione. Anyway, we walked around the grounds for a while (I bet you thought we were off snogging somewhere) and just talked for the longest time. I came out to her, and I cried, which made her cry, which really isn’t fair because that just made me cry even more!_

_“I felt guilty afterwards, I still do to be honest. I should’ve come out to you first and I guess I also don’t know how to tell you that I didn’t so. There it is, Angelina was the first person I told. I’m sorry, it should’ve been you”_

 

He read over this parchment two more times, trying to process each word and his mind kept coming back to two things _“the guy i liked”_ and _“_ **_him_ ** _”_ He wish he’d known, he wanted them to lay awake late at night whispering about Angelina and Him. He wanted that more than anything. He had to wait several minutes before he could start on the third parchment, he was crying too hard.

 

_“From that last parchment, you’ve figured out there’s someone I liked. (I know you well enough to know that)_

_There was, well, is. I still like him, so much, George. And my biggest regret, is not telling you about him. About us. Because there was an us, there_ **_is_ ** _an us. Merlin I regret sneaking around about it instead of just saying it right out. We’ve been dating since the yule ball, he found me a while after Angelina went back inside. I was tired (and still feeling sorry for myself) so I told you I was going to bed, which I was. But, he caught up to me on the moving staircases on the way to the tower and, well, long story short, he kissed me. There was nobody around and he kissed me. I swear it was the best kiss I’d ever had (granted it was also my first kiss). Fuck I’ve wanted to tell you about this for so long._

_“Anyway, you can get the full story from him. I wish it was me telling you the whole thing but really it’s better in person. Besides, Lee has the best voice for story telling, you know this. Yeah, it’s Lee, our Lee. Our wonderful, amazing, beautiful Lee._

_“I’m sorry we kept it from you for so long. We wanted to tell you, we just.., stupid I know but we didn’t know how. And it sounds even fucking more stupid now, with everything going on that I still can’t look you in the eyes and tell you I’ve been dating Lee for the past 2 and a half years. Or maybe it feels stupid now because there’s so much other bullshit going on that telling you now wouldn’t makes sense? I don’t know. I’m just sorry we never told you outright. Hell, I wanted to tell you the first night we kissed. I wanted to just race back down to the great hall and shout it out because merlin’s pants Lee Jordan kissed me._

_I’m sorry George, look after him for me yeah?”_

 

George had to move the letter to his other hand, the sleeve on his left arm was damp and hardly helping in it’s task of wiping off his face. But he was smiling as well, Fred and Lee, Lee and Fred. They made sense and it made George’s heart ache, not because he hadn’t known (well maybe partly) but because two and a half years was not nearly enough time. Hell, not even close, they deserved the rest of their lives together. He ran his clean sleeve over his face and turned to the last parchment.

 

_“Okay, Georgie. This is the last one I’m writing to you._

_You’re sleeping in the bed next to me right now, we’re at auntie Muriel’s and first of all, have you always snored like this? It must be a new development because I can’t see how I could’ve slept through THAT for the past 20 years. Or maybe I’m just restless lately. Anyway._

_“I need you to do some things for me okay? Since I’m not there anymore, it’s nothing big but just some stuff I need you to do._

_Firstly, don’t close the shop down. That’s important, I know it’ll be hard but, keep surrounding yourself with laughter. For me._

_Secondly, I know I asked you to look after Lee but, look after yourself first. Take care of yourself and live a long life. For me._

_Lastly, under my mattress there are three more letters, I need you to get them to the people they belong to. I need you to do this so they know where they came from. And also because you’re the only person who can read my good for nothing handwriting and they might need parts translated._

_“I’m sorry you pulled the short straw on this one, Georgie. I can’t picture a day without you by my side. So I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. But I believe in you, I love you, you can make it without me. I know you can._

_Fred”_


	2. Mum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully it won't take me a whole month to update with part 3 rip  
> also this chapter wasn't beta read like the first one was so, watch out for errors i guess?
> 
> you can find me @fredlees on tumblr

He found the letters where Fred had told him he would, underneath his mattress with a string wrapped around them to keep them together. He carefully picked them up, he could see the name on the envelope on the top.

_“Mum”_

He’d give her her letter first, that made the most sense. She was already in the house and it was at the top out of the three, he figured Fred wanted her to get hers first.  
He waited until after dinner, giving himself enough time to prepare himself. He already knew she’d cry, she still cried if you as much as mentioned Fred. George tried not to let it make him angry, he understood she was grieving of course, but so was everyone else and Fred wouldn’t have wanted people to cry over him all the time. He’d want people to remember him, smile and laugh.  
Then again George could hardly judge his mother for crying over him when George did the same just hours ago in their old bedroom, but he would like to be able to talk about his brother with his mum with out her instantly bursting into tears. It wasn’t fair to her to think that way, but it annoyed him.

She was in the kitchen washing the dishes when George came back downstairs with the letter clutched in his hand

“Mum?” she hummed a little and turned her head towards him, she could tell something was up right away “Can we sit for a second?” he continued, she looked concerned but nodded, quietly. She was quiet a lot lately, it made George uneasy. He had vague memories of her being like this once before when he was younger, but he used to convince himself he’d imagine it, thinking he probably just wanted her to be quieter. Bill had told him that wasn’t the case though, she’d been like this after her brother’s died in the first war. Quiet and a little withdrawn, crying at the very mention of either of their names. Bill had told him that he and Fred had been what really brought her out of it then, with all their pranks and antics. George wasn’t sure how to help her this time without reminding her even more of Fred.  
He sat at the kitchen table and waited for his mother to join him, she gave him a sad smile and George had to avoid her eyes. She didn’t say anything, so George jumped right into it

“Fred left me a letter, in our room” he said, still not looking at his mother. He had his eyes trained on the letter in his lap, _“Mum”_ staring up at him.

“He... left you a letter?” She asked, her voice quiet. She wasn’t crying but George could tell she was about to. He nodded and looked up to meet her eyes.

“He wrote it after, after I lost my ear. It was a just in case letter. In case he wouldn’t…” he paused and swallowed “in case he’d die” he finished, Molly straightened in her seat and moved a hand to wipe away the tears that were already falling, she was really trying not to cry, George realized that was probably why she hadn’t said anything yet.

“Mum” he continued, ignoring the way his voice trembled slightly. He stood up and moved to sit in the chair beside her instead, noticing the way her breath hitched slightly when she saw the envelope he was holding in his hand “Mum” he said again as he sat down, his hand trembling slightly once again as he placed the letter face up in front of her “He left one for you too” that broke the dam, she sobbed and covered her mouth with one hand. The other hand trembled badly as she carefully ran her finger tips over the letter, as if she was afraid it would disappear if she touched it.

George blinked his own tears away and scooted a little closer to his mother, carefully placing his arm around her shoulders as she picked up the envelope. She sniffled as she turned it over and tried getting the seal open, but her hands were trembling too badly, and she let out another sob as George gently placed his free hand onto hers.

“I’ll do it?” he suggested, and she nodded with another sob. George gave her a small smile and she inhaled shakily, wiping her face again. She watched his hands intensely as he opened the seal and carefully pulled the parchment out, he flattened it out on the table and then wrapped his arm around her shoulder again. She looked at the ceiling for a moment and took a deep breath as George slowly stroke her arm. When she turned her eyes back to the letter George did as well. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to read this too or not, but he couldn’t help himself, and Fred hadn’t said anything against reading the other three letters, so George figured he could. Molly sobbed again when she saw the first words on the parchment. George kept stroking her arm slowly as they read in silence.

_“Hi, Mum._

_Please don’t cry. I know you will anyway, but I don’t want you to cry over me, okay? I want you to smile when you think of me, not cry._

_“And you know this already but, there was nothing you could’ve done. You couldn’t have stopped me from fighting (I’m assuming that’s how I died). Please don’t blame yourself for something that was completely out of your control. I just hope you’re still proud of me, mum._

_I know it won’t be easy, but I want you to fill the hole I left with laughter, you’ve got George and Ginny to help you. And everyone else too. It will be okay, mum._

_Please don’t mourn any future grandkids you might think I would’ve given you, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of grandkids from Bill, George, Ron, Ginny and Percy (I’m sure he’ll come home mum, he probably just doesn’t know how yet. It’ll be okay). I wouldn’t have given you any grandkids either way. Well, I can’t say that for sure but,_

_“Mum, I’m gay. I’m in love with a man, I have a boyfriend. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. He’s wonderful, mum and he makes me so happy. I want you to meet him, officially, as my boyfriend, as the love of my life. Not just as ‘Fred and George’s friend from school’. Because he is, our friend from school, Lee. But he’s also the love of my life and I know you’ll welcome him to the family with open arms just like you would’ve done if I brought him home myself and said ‘Mum, this is the man I want to marry one day’ That’s the first time I’ve said that, but I do, I would’ve wanted to marry him, mum._

_I don’t think you’ll get any grandkids from Charlie either by the way, I think the closest thing you’ll get from him is baby dragons, but personally I think those would be some top quality grandkids._

_Fred”_

She was crying but not sobbing as they finished reading it, and George wasn’t sure what to say so they just sat there quietly for some time before Molly finally spoke.  
“Did you know?” she asked softly, looking up to meet his eyes. George shook his head and swallowed. He couldn’t quite remember the last time they’d looked directly into each other’s eyes.  
“It was in my letter too, I mean it makes sense when I think about it but… I wish I’d known” he said lowly and gave her a half hearted smile “I don’t really understand why he didn’t tell me” he choked a little on his words and Molly ran her fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his face  
“It’s, It’s a very difficult thing to say” She said softly and glanced down at the letter on the table, she gently ran her fingers over Fred’s signature with one hand as she kept the other one on George’s cheek. He absently leaned for the touch to return when she removed her hand.

”I feel I should’ve known, he was so much like your uncle. Oh, I should’ve told you kids about him. Maybe if he’d know...” George stared at her as she trailed off. Caught of guard at the mention of one of his uncles. She never talked about their uncles, even after the years that had passed. George barely remembered them, but he knew he’d adored them, he and Fred both.

“What?” he asked softly, carefully rubbing his mother’s shoulder, she still had tears rolling down her face but she gave a gentle genuine smile.

“My youngest brother” she said softly, running her fingers over Fred’s signature again “He was also.. he liked men” she continued “Told me a few weeks before he...” her smile fell a little and George wrapped his arm around her shoulders again, pressing himself a little closer. She rested her head on his shoulder and they sat in silence for a while longer before she spoke again.  
“I’ll tell you about him, all of you. About both of them” George swallowed a little and placed his head on top of hers  
“I’m looking forward to it” he stroke her arm again before she sat up a little straighter  
“And you best invite Lee for dinner. Next week” she pointed at him a little and wiped her face with her other hand “I won’t wait longer than that to meet him” George nodded, even though he knew he’d had to talk to Lee for that to happen and he still wasn’t quite sure on how to do that just yet.  
“Are you alright, mum?” he asked softly as she stood up a little shakily, she smoothened back his hair again and pressed a kiss to his forehead, without answering his question. She then picked up the letter carefully in her hands and slowly left the kitchen in the direction of his parent’s bedroom. He blew out a sigh and put his head in his hands feeling suddenly overwhelmed by the information he’d been given.


End file.
